winglish.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
 
Happy birthday to me! (:
I am 20 years young.

So many many thick-thin friends <3 Me thick you thin! Horrible eating so much these days. Thick everywhere lah. Even brains. Feel damn stupid in school cos everyone seems to know their shit except me.
Gatecrashed MOS on saturday with Ngiam Belle Geri Inami and Khai. Halloween party! So sad the 2 of you didn't come ): You know who you are! Cheapskate in me thought could get in free cos thought since they celebrating halloween might as well celebrate my birthday but stupid bouncers do not care. Stayed till 5 but am seriously regretting it now because I CANNOT WALK DOWN STAIRS. Oh-so-happy cos SOME BIRDIE(pun not intended!) drove us home (: Next time no photo-taking frenzy after drinking! So unglam tsk.
Anyways haven't opened the present yet cos don't want to destroy it (: love love love

MY DRESS YOU STUPID BUA-ER!! GAHH!!

  12:43:00 am
Sunday, October 22, 2006
 
I feel so cool now. Haha.

Thanks for coming with me yesterday you all (: Love the new t-shirt, even though I was forced to get it. Stacey must love the new t-shirt too cos I picked it out for you!

My brave Belle who filmed it without flinching, Ngiam who tried to make me laugh and helped me pick up the beanie, Reina who wanted to re-align it, the poor man to whom I subjected incessant chattering and questions due to nerves. And you two who went "argh!!" when watching the video (:

--you were always my intended.

What wouldn't I give for you to be the happiest person in the world. That's all I ever want. So please look after yourself, cos I won't be able to do it anymore.
  4:16:00 pm
Friday, October 13, 2006
 
3 dead fishies...
Went to ngiam's school after class today. The labs there are damn smelly for some reason. Finally saw her 400 pet fishes living in shitty water. Damn hot in the bloody greenhouse, I must go there more for sauna. Love 2 hour lunch :) with reina, ngiam, annabelle and pork! Can be ah sum self. Went fishing in tank with black water and throwing fish food everywhere. I cannot be a fish farmer, I'd probably kill all the fishes. So sad when I saw the 3 fishies floating. Oh the fragility of life! R.I.P fishies.

...an almost-lost phone...
Damn suay today lah. Must be curse of friday the 13th. Was cabbing to chomp chomp, got off the cab and was at coffeebean when realised phone was not in pocket. Checked my bag and started screaming about missing phone. Continued sitting outside coffeebean shaking leg and screaming about missing phone. haha. Ran to the drop-off place and was looking under cars for a mangled phone when the nice cab driver came back with it. So nice. Should have asked for his name and called citycab to compliment him. But then again, his lousy driving gave all of us motion sickness so forget it.

...and a BMX.
Private joke haha! I am expensive and high-class.

Hadn't such fun in a long long long time. Thank you God for girlfriends :) We are the periodic 5! Must have fun even in times of periods. Throat is uber itchy, going to cough my life away. Have learnt that tauhuay should never be eaten with chocolate. But chocolate is free, so cannot complain. Conned it out of a small boy. And shortfart glen, glenn, gland, whatever is a shithead. Brain fart.
  11:52:00 pm
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
 

Burning questions.

  1. How can they even find a rebound guy so quickly?
  2. Did it actually mean anything to them?
  3. Why is it so hard?
  4. How come crying feels therapeutic when it's supposed to be an expression of grief?
  5. Why did man make love so complicated when God made it so simple?
  6. Why do guys think so much when they are the ones who complain that girls are fickle and complicated?
  7. Why do they always go "It's not you, it's me" ?
  8. Why am I always thinking so much?
  9. How come I still care more about him than myself?
  10. Why do people kill themselves over failed relationships?
  11. Why is God taking so long to answer my prayers this time round?

You're right Geri, I don't think we'll ever know if love can actually move a mountain. But I must have faith. As long as I have faith the size of a mustard seed I can move mountains. If he didn't have enough faith in us to move the mountain, I will move the damn mountain myself.

  9:42:00 am
Sunday, October 08, 2006
 
Hacking my miserable life away. Bloody haze. Coughed my germs to Ngiam and Reina last night.

Dinner and movie last night. You, me and Dupree. Popcorn frenzy all thanks to Gabby. Heh. So nice of him to drop me off. I wanted to eat tau huay, but was too tired when we actually got there. Stupid cough syrup. I have to take 30ml a day. Gets me high for awhile, then completes drains my energy.

Please please please let the haze get worse so that school gets cancelled. I hate school.

"zui teng jiu shi ni le."
  4:51:00 pm
Friday, October 06, 2006
 
If the guy I love ever tells me he cannot live without me, I'd give up everything for him.

Why couldn't you have been that guy?

Doesn't matter, I still will give up the world for you. You, and you only.
  1:41:00 am
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
 
Eff.

Almost dialled his number by mistake the other day.

I know I'm depressing people to death already. Sorry. But why why why? My moods are yoyo-ing so much I can't handle them.

You asked me once how could you make me hate you. I told you I couldn't. I still can't. Sometimes I get pissed off, but I always lose steam so quickly. I do wish I could stay angry at you, it's so much easier to deal with than the pain. I still remember the first time you said "I love you". It was 1st Feburary 2004 and you were at a class barbecue at your classmate's place. It was one of the best days of my life. I felt so important, so needed, so loved. I remember the last time you said "I love you". It was 31st July 2006. It was the the second worst day of my lilfe. The worst was the day before. I did think that if I hadn't been the stupid bitch I was, calling you to wake you up, none of this would have happened.

I haven't cried since the last time I saw you. I think I've cried my tear ducts dry. I still wake up in the mornings feeling hollow inside.You're wrong, I am NOT stronger than I think. All that psychobabble crap doesn't work on me. Sometimes I think you're one big fucked-up asswipe for abandoning me when I needed you, sometimes I think you were the best thing that happened to me. I can't make up my mind. But I've learnt to jam the faucets. The company of friends has made me abit stronger I suppose. The power of prayer.

I like to torture myself. I listen to love songs and think back on us. Maybe keeping the memories alive is the only way I can deal with it. I'm stupid, I know. Holding on to something that isn't even there anymore. But I hope, I keep hoping. You know, love is not something you can turn on and off like a tap. I wish it were that easy. I still evol uoy, I still ssim uoy. But you probably wouldn't give a flying fuck if I died tomorrow.

You don't know what it feels like to be lonely in a crowd of people, to be stuck in the same place when the whole world has moved on.

Whoever said the only man a girl can trust is her daddy is right. Unless her daddy is a paedophile. Fuck you heartless dickheads.
  11:41:00 pm

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